COVID Diaries
COVID has touched my household, and likely yours too. Aside from stuffy noses, sore throats, and random feelings of insecurity, isolation has been the toughest, particularly with a 5-year-old. Over the weeks there were sweet moments, like when we made an IG reel together, had a Shakira and Bieber dance party, and made stone ground dark rye chocolate chip cookies with cashews. But to be real, it hasn’t been easy.
Enter monster mom. Monster mom isn’t a side of me that I’m proud to share, however the experience is real. Monster mom manifested from relentless sleepless nights with little Edith. I couldn’t have asked for a more precious child, save for her sleeping habits (which I take responsibility for) but still, not sleeping and being woke consistently through the night brought monster mom to the surface.
Monster mom is reactive, yells, and can be startling; she appears when Edith whines relentlessly, repeats something over and over (and over) again, or when she refuses to go with the flow. I become reactive and not thoughtful (albeit never violent), and while I hope that yelling at the top of my lungs makes a point and corrects behavior, I know better. In fact, it may be the most ineffective style of parenting I have to offer, but sometimes my nerves are so tugged that I basically lose my sh**.
Kids in quarantine are deprived of much needed socialization, and keeping them engaged in meaningful activity is challenging—especially if you’re not feeling well. Being Edith’s mama is the best part of my life, but she can make me come undone and this has been the hardest part of COVID for me.
Getting angry and frustrated is not my typical state, and (I think) this can be justified in times of stress. As an exercise of self-compassion I want to share my typical mothering style. Typically I’m the opposite of monster mom. Most mornings I get the couch comfy for her as we make our morning beverages and even get her a hot water bottle to snuggle up with. After my 10 minutes of morning headlines, we put on a podcast for her as I get us ready. I make a point to read books, get her in nature, and set up playdates. I am my daughter’s biggest cheerleader and use encouraging words with her every day so she develops confidence and self-worth. I often tell her how the day she was born was the best day of my entire life and that I couldn’t be more proud of her. I honor her relationship with her father, and her wanting to mostly be with him, even though this makes me sad. I am intentional in my way with her, do my best to exhibit healthy behavior and patterns, and am lovingly stern. I really do try.
All this being said, Edith's 5-year-old needs challenged me in a quarantine setting and I have learned. The expectations I’ve held for myself as a parent and the hopes and energy I put into being the best I can sometimes just don't translate in real life; after all I am only human.
Below are three strategies I employ to help with the parenting frustrations:
Move: This is the most effective tool in my box for managing stress. I always feel better after a short bout of yoga (I love the Down Dog App), a long walk, or a hip-shakin Shakira dance session. This is well established in the literature; people who exercise regularly are more resistant to the effects of stress as compared to those who don’t (1).
Breathe: Edith and I were moving furniture around and I suppose I was exhibiting frustration. In her wisdom, Edith had me sit down for (her version of) 5 minutes and breathe; ‘breathe mama, breathe.’ And yes, I felt better. We know that diaphragmatic breathing, or deep breathing, is a mind-body practice that has a positive impact on mental function (2).
Home Cooking: I might not be the best at it, but I love to cook and this is an outlet for me. Cooking makes people happy and realize their potential, especially in ‘lock down’ circumstances (3). When we first received our positive diagnosis, I called my mom for her chicken bone broth recipe because this was medicine for me growing up. With added egg noodles to accompany it, Edith ate it up. Other items on the menu were veggie sushi rolls, salmon, and vegetable soup.
As always, thanks for reading and we will get through this.
Resources
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4013452/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5455070/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8012501/