Embracing Vulnerability: Transformation and the Magic of Inner Work
Maybe, like me, you can feel the air and seasonal energy beginning to change from the tail end of the summer season, beginning to energetically pull us inward. With this sense, I have felt the call to commit to a practice that nurtures my inner life and to set intentions for this cycle. Typically, my intentions are so outward-focused– keeping up with the blog, posting on social media, attending training. While these practices will continue to be part of my life, I have found myself longing to tend to something deeper and more personal. To create this space in my life, I took a month-long break from my blog writing and committed to a year of exploration into spiritual transformation, magic, and higher consciousness.
The Mystery School is led by Marissa La Fata, and is a small group of magic-seeking women who I will be meeting with once a month for the next year. This is a container for connection through practices like ritual, guided meditation, and resourcing innerwork. I turned toward this group wanting to invest in myself in a new way, to challenge myself to go deeper, and to eventually bring this inner richness to my relationships.
The ‘work’ has been eye-opening and enriching so far, and I’m also finding that the journey inward isn’t always easeful and transcendent. As I turn the volume down on my productive output, the volume of my inner critic goes up. I hear the inner resistances and the incessant expectations. I want to be a more present mother, a better partner, and hold space for you, my clients. I want more for myself and for my relationships. And, sometimes all these goals feel impossible to meet, because there’s part of me that feels like I always should be doing, giving, changing. This is part of my work at the Mystery School, to be with this compulsion, to notice it, and to slow down.
Another growth edge for me recently is around sharing circles and sharing in small groups. The group often begins this way, and this part is really hard for me. Contributing to groups, whether it’s a group text or a group share in-person, I struggle with this. Somewhere along the way, I’ve convinced myself that I’m really bad at sharing in a group, and then that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I feel deeply uncomfortable in my body, and then I feel embarrassed about that. While this is hard, I’ve decided it feels worse to continue to try to avoid sharing in small groups. So now, my work is noticing this discomfort and seeing how it may, hopefully, continue to transform and reveal itself as the months go on.
Perhaps what I’m arriving at in this writing and in this moment in my life is a bit more openness to being vulnerable. Vulnerability with myself and with others, and investing in what it takes to cultivate that. I’m so grateful to have this divine community through The Mystery School and the many beloved folks in my life to practice this work, to tune into my magic even if some of that work is untangling knots first and being with the uncomfortable.